How to Say

I’ve tried so many times to phrase it myself
But every time I get tongue tied
And every time it sounds cluttered and fake
I never nail what I’m trying to say

It just never feels right
I just haven’t figured out yet, how to say

I guess the closest phrase might be ‘I love you’
that line it’s always tasted funny to me
I don’t think it’s all that accurate
it’s use for romance distracts from something so so so much more

I just want you to feel what I feel
This soft dense comfort - just like a weighted blanket
Take it all, it’s all for you
They’re scraps of fabric wasted on me

Don’t waste your time you’ll never get through my shell
You see I’ve built these walls so high
I’m only ever gonna push you away
I’ll never tell you what you need me to say

Even though it doesn’t feel right
Even though I’d like you here I fear rejection so so so much more

I’ve used those words before
I got hurt, I won’t let myself be burned again
I was alone for years
And when you leave I’ll just continue without you here

This blanket’s getting so heavy, crushing my chest
I need to say something, how do I tell you how important you are to me?
I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t
I don’t know that I’ll survive another friendship drifting apart

This fear of the words,
of what you’d do if you could see my thoughts
has to go.
It’s pushing me away from you
even if they’re not the perfect words
think it’s time that I learned how to say

Fuck you.

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