Music News - Fail and Fail Again Until You Need Therapy
20 June 2019 - 0 Comments
Writing
and producing your first EP isn't the easiest, throw several failed recordings,
unreliable people, and a 2-year mental breakdown in there, and things become a
lot harder. But finally, Anti Matter's first EP is here.
Lead single Fuckboi, a sarcastic song with a middle finger in the
air, took three recordings to get right, and two failed music video attempts.
Pressure also had a failed video attempt. But solo electronic emo artist Anti
Matter is keeping her spirits up.
Anti Matter describes the Phoenix EP as a testament to sticking to a project,
and on a deeper level sticking with yourself and your mental illness.
Mostly written in 2015, Phoenix is an eclectic and experimental mix of songs
detailing activist issues (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is, Pressure), while
empowering women (Heroine), and confronting emotions (Graves, Fuckboi,
Phoenix).
The initial 2016 recordings went unreleased due to the recordings and vocals
not being up to standard. Then in 2017, Anti Matter picked up local indie label
Powertool Records. It was a great match, but then Anti Matter was hit with
another hurdle, a severe bout of mental illness.
After several large life changes, finishing a degree, getting a new job,
relationship breakdowns, Anti Matter began losing her resiliency. She said:
"I just wasn't coping with full-time work, a chaotic flat, and, I had
thought it was a good idea to come off antidepressants around that time
too." Then the crux of it, being put on a crisis team after a physical
collapse at a music festival, and several hospitalizations for what she now
knows was dissociation. "Unfortunately, the dissociation was triggered by
losing someone I had really been attached to, seeing them with someone else on
social media. That was my brains final straw. Then it just started tapping out
and dissociating." Doctors considered Adjustment Disorder and CPTSD but
settled on Borderline Personality Disorder as a diagnosis. Being someone who
has used songwriting as a coping mechanism for a while, Anti Matter used this intense
time to write. She rewrote the title track Phoenix in the midst of a
nervous breakdown, to reflect more accurately the emotional trauma of someone
with Borderline Personality Disorder in a manipulative relationship.
Furthermore, the personality disorder inspired an array of new songs. "I'm
grateful to the illness in a way, because I feel like I have a trajectory as an
artist now, the new songs that I will be releasing after this EP. The
voice of these songs kept me alive during suicidal episodes, thinking, I just
need to get this EP (Phoenix) and the next out. That really kept me going.
Sitting, crying in my room at 4 am writing lyrics instead of succumbing to
the most intense emotions I've ever felt.'
Fiercely, she spent the next 6 months taking on the EP's video projects she had
started with former friends. Learning from scratch how to make a music video on
Premiere Pro. Then creating her own album art from a photo shoot she had done
with music photographer Shelley Te Haara. The rest of the time was spent in
intense therapy, learning to navigate the world again.
Fortunately a path of recovery lies ahead.
'I look forward to the future now. Managing my illness, and releasing all the
future songs I wrote about those experiences.'
Release Details:
Anti Matter Phoenix
EP release, Friday 28th June
Available on all
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