22 Dec 2024
El Schlong - El Schlong - 'The Baddies Are Coming'
10 Aug 2008 // A review by Shade
REVIEW BY DOUG MOORE www.metalreview.com
Okay, so in the metal band naming process, I assume there are a few things that most groups take into account. I would imagine the checklist goes something like this:
1: Is it brutal?
2: Is it epic?
3: Does it reflect our lyrical content (Tolkien, Lovecraft, Satan, gore, drinking, war, outer space, Vikings, whatever the fuck)?
4. Is it in English or another appropriately metal language (Germanic and Slavic languages preferred; names of obscure gods from other cultures accepted)?
5. Would it look good on a back patch?
6. Would it look good carved into your forearm?
7. Is it a reference to an album or song by a better-known forebearer?
8. Does it end in either ‘–ed’ or ‘–ation?’
9. Etc.
El Schlong is perhaps the first metal act I’ve reviewed who completely reject all in-house band name conventions (okay, so ‘schlong’ is German, but unless you’re in Goblin Cock you probably don’t think that’s a very metal word). On their website, they describe themselves as being “like Satan in the bathtub, puzzled by the ginger pube on the soap.” Basically, this New Zealand by way of London troup screams “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, DON’T TAKE US SERIOUSLY” from the get-go…not that you’d likely make that mistake once you delve into The Baddies Are Coming. This quirky chunk of genre-bending metal doesn’t quite pull off what it sets out to achieve, but goddamn if El Schlong don’t fail in an incredibly amusing matter.
These guys play a sort of deliberately schizophrenic blend of grooving thrash, soaring post-doom and a variety of jazz/flamenco breaks that will send traditionalist metalheads pelting for the exits but will immediately suck in experimentation nerds like yours truly. El Schlong don’t fall into the self-seriousness trap that sinks so many prog metal acts; The Baddies Are Coming is delivered with much more of a nod-and-wink aplomb not unlike Mr. Bungle with a narrower stylistic palette. At first their obvious detachment from their own music grated on me a little bit, but as this disc wore on I couldn’t help but smile along with El Schlong as they navigated through their labyrinthine tracks. These folks are truly accomplished musicians, and in their strong moments can be truly excellent, as in the mincing clean break from “The Baddies are Coming” and the luminescent march of album highlight “The Cow Jumped Over the Moon.”
It’s not all sunshine and roses on The Baddies are Coming. El Schlong’s propensity for abruptly switching styles multiple times within their lengthy compositions can befuddle the fuck out of any listener who’s not on his proverbial toes, and even those who are paying the band their full attention may be put off by the disjointed nature of these songs. More problematically, El Schlong don’t always sound entirely comfortable with their metal side. Guitarist/vocalist Leah (yes it’s a girl) sounds far more at home delivering her ghostly clean singing than her somewhat underpowered rasp, and the band has an irritating tendency to settle into generic open-chord stomps where more adventurous riffwork would be appropriate, as on “Bungface” and “Swing Accident” (which is saved by an incredibly epic trumpet lead).
But it’s still early in the game for El Schlong—The Baddies Are Coming is their first album, and for a debut (self-released to boot) it’s well produced, damn ambitious and comes surprisingly close to hitting its goals. I can easily see these guys alongside the likes of Giant Squid and Unexpect on the The End Records roster (for fuck’s sake dudes, stop distributing that lame Lordi album and invest in these guys instead). Those looking for heartfelt, straight to the point heavy metal will want to avoid this band like the plague. On the other hand, fans with a taste for weirdness and humor—check out the monologue from “Arthur R. Nevilleson-Robertson-Brown”—are likely to be well-entertained by The Baddies Are Coming. Potential potential potential!
REVIEW BY DOUG MOORE www.metalreview.comOkay, so in the metal band naming process, I assume there are a few things that most groups take into account. I would imagine the checklist goes something like this:
1: Is it brutal?
2: Is it epic?
3: Does it reflect our lyrical content (Tolkien, Lovecraft, Satan, gore, drinking, war, outer space, Vikings, whatever the fuck)?
4. Is it in English or another appropriately metal language (Germanic and Slavic languages preferred; names of obscure gods from other cultures accepted)?
5. Would it look good on a back patch?
6. Would it look good carved into your forearm?
7. Is it a reference to an album or song by a better-known forebearer?
8. Does it end in either ‘–ed’ or ‘–ation?’
9. Etc.
El Schlong is perhaps the first metal act I’ve reviewed who completely reject all in-house band name conventions (okay, so ‘schlong’ is German, but unless you’re in Goblin Cock you probably don’t think that’s a very metal word). On their website, they describe themselves as being “like Satan in the bathtub, puzzled by the ginger pube on the soap.” Basically, this New Zealand by way of London troup screams “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, DON’T TAKE US SERIOUSLY” from the get-go…not that you’d likely make that mistake once you delve into The Baddies Are Coming. This quirky chunk of genre-bending metal doesn’t quite pull off what it sets out to achieve, but goddamn if El Schlong don’t fail in an incredibly amusing matter.
These guys play a sort of deliberately schizophrenic blend of grooving thrash, soaring post-doom and a variety of jazz/flamenco breaks that will send traditionalist metalheads pelting for the exits but will immediately suck in experimentation nerds like yours truly. El Schlong don’t fall into the self-seriousness trap that sinks so many prog metal acts; The Baddies Are Coming is delivered with much more of a nod-and-wink aplomb not unlike Mr. Bungle with a narrower stylistic palette. At first their obvious detachment from their own music grated on me a little bit, but as this disc wore on I couldn’t help but smile along with El Schlong as they navigated through their labyrinthine tracks. These folks are truly accomplished musicians, and in their strong moments can be truly excellent, as in the mincing clean break from “The Baddies are Coming” and the luminescent march of album highlight “The Cow Jumped Over the Moon.”
It’s not all sunshine and roses on The Baddies are Coming. El Schlong’s propensity for abruptly switching styles multiple times within their lengthy compositions can befuddle the fuck out of any listener who’s not on his proverbial toes, and even those who are paying the band their full attention may be put off by the disjointed nature of these songs. More problematically, El Schlong don’t always sound entirely comfortable with their metal side. Guitarist/vocalist Leah (yes it’s a girl) sounds far more at home delivering her ghostly clean singing than her somewhat underpowered rasp, and the band has an irritating tendency to settle into generic open-chord stomps where more adventurous riffwork would be appropriate, as on “Bungface” and “Swing Accident” (which is saved by an incredibly epic trumpet lead).
But it’s still early in the game for El Schlong—The Baddies Are Coming is their first album, and for a debut (self-released to boot) it’s well produced, damn ambitious and comes surprisingly close to hitting its goals. I can easily see these guys alongside the likes of Giant Squid and Unexpect on the The End Records roster (for fuck’s sake dudes, stop distributing that lame Lordi album and invest in these guys instead). Those looking for heartfelt, straight to the point heavy metal will want to avoid this band like the plague. On the other hand, fans with a taste for weirdness and humor—check out the monologue from “Arthur R. Nevilleson-Robertson-Brown”—are likely to be well-entertained by The Baddies Are Coming. Potential potential potential!
About El Schlong
So states guitarist/vocalist Leah Hinton.
Hinton formed El Schlong in Dunedin, New Zealand in 2003 along with fellow music student Nick Baldwin on bass. They cut their teeth and learned their craft in the city’s DIY student punk/metal scene before moving to the country’s capital in 2005.
Visit the muzic.net.nz Profile for El Schlong
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